Yesterday Ryan had his bone marrow biopsy, and a spinal tap (no cancer cells in the CSF!!!) with intrathecal chemo. Now we wait.
For me this is the hard part - and the reality is hard to push away at this point. Tomorrow we will find out if the chemo had eradicated the leukemia cells from his marrow. And then we'll find out what the next step will be. I'm struggling to keep positive right now. The emotional and mental fatigues are starting to set in.
The control freak in me needs to know what the decision tree ahead is. The doctors have been very vague - understandably, since they also won't know what decision to make until they get the result. And I'm sure they are reluctant to share the algorythm since patients in general only hear part of what you say. And whichever part they (now WE) hear, if a different course needs to be followed, they feel misled and the physicians have to spend an inordinate amount of time defending their current course of management and reassuring.
But the huge void is sucking the life out of me. I know it will be easier tomorrow once we have answers, but it's a long 24 hours that lies ahead.
We took in the red beans and rice (I bought the wrong sausage, the beans weren't soft enough and it wasn't up to par - reflective of everything in my life right now....) and had a family meal in the visitors lounge yesterday. But none of us ate very much except Ryan who ate about 4 plates. I guess steroids can make you hungry enough to eat almost anything!!
The silence was deafening as we all sat around without much to day. Thanks heavens for MeiLin and Kaia who always keep things lively!!
Sister Marilyn Tarantino brought a meal of Chicken Parm to the house, which we all eagerly devoured after we returned from TaeKwonDo. It was wonderful! And a delicious blueberry pie from Arla Wilding topped it off.
Tonight a friend from Tim's work - Holly - is bringing supper. I'm getting spoiled - I may just forget how to cook altogether!
Sophia is getting settled into their new "home" - a single bedroom at our place. And I'm tackling the long-procrastinated job of de-cluttering. Therapeutic.
Everything is up in the air - which summer camps will the girls go to? Which week should I send them out to Arizona to be with Missy? Should I cancel our planned trip to spend a week at my brother's lake cottage in Minnesota? God is trying to teach me patience........
Please continue to pray for Ryan and those caring for him. That the pathologists will be guided as they read the marrow, that the oncologists will know what course to take next, that we will all have the strength to handle whatever lies ahead.
---Barb
No comments:
Post a Comment