It's been a crazy week as I scramble to get everything ready for my absence and Ryan enjoys the things that he won't be able to do for quite a while after his transplant. Sophia has been at home and they've been able to do things together.
The Halloween costumes for the girls are nearly done - for the first time in my life I was trembling as I threaded the needle. While I recognize that stress in as inherent part of this journey, I've kept so busy doing what needs to be done that I haven't taken time to recognize the always-present stress and fear that lies beneath the surface.
Ryan has been remarkably upbeat through this whole thing, but this week he's irritable - especially with Kaia. And she responds by making remarks about him not being in our "family" anyway - wishing that things were back to "normal" with just the four of us at home. I also suspect that it's Kaia's way of protecting herself from the hurt of possibly losing Ryan. The trauma of her adoption still surfaces sometimes in a reluctance to trust and allow herself to make bonds that could end (like her attachment to her Chinese nannies betrayed her trust as they gave her away to strangers - us). So she's had a few meltdowns as well.
In our "life happens" update: car problems. The passenger side visor starting flopping down - an annoyance to whoever is seated there, and the air bag light came on. Of course, the only day the shops could fit me in was the day before we leave for Boston. Visor fixed - no problem. But the airbag sensor in the passenger seat bottom is malfunctioning and the seat bottom needs to be sent to California for repairs. So they give me a rental car, but want it back in 3 days while I will still be in Boston. So Tim will drive the rental and I will take his car to Boston. The tender mercy in all this is that it didn't cost anything. Whew!!!
In the humor department: The poor guys who did my first-ever car detailing earned their pay! My car is the ultimate "cheerio-mobile". Pretty dirty - even after taking out the raisins, French fries and hair ties. When I went to pick it up, they said they had removed 5 1/2 pounds of birdseed from the spare tire well under the trunk!! I had forgotten that a 5 gallon pail of birdseed for a second grade class birdfeeder project spilled in the trunk 2 years ago!! Another tender mercy - realizing that I didn't have a flat tire in the past 2 years.......
(if anyone needs a car detailed, give the guys at Carlito's Extreme Detailing in Clifton Park a shot - I highly recommend them!) But I'm so embarassed, I
Packing for a prolonged stay in Boston, appreciating those who will be bringing some meals to Tim and the girls, feeling conflicted about where my time should be spent - with my young daughters or my son with leukemia - not to mention my stalwart husband. This, too, shall pass.
---Barb
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